they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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