i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
