Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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