I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
