Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he shaved USA in his pubs
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
