Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there was a trapeze. enough said
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
