Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
