I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I won the penis lottery.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
