What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
