If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
