all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
