cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
