david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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