I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
