Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
