All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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