i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
