fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize