You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
