I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
