Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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