Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
