he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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