Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will pee on everything he values.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
