i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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