I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
