So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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