Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
