I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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