Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
