If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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