Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
