i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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