it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My vagina just clenched in fear
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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