Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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