I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
