shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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