Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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