Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
