i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
