I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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