Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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