I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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