Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
