We're like a lot better than the average bears
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
