Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
