I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize