Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
