they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize