the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We named our party play list daddy issues
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
