you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
