I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
