Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
