Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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