20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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