his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
