The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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