Do you still have your period?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
