just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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