My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
