I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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