Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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