Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
