i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dont even know how to be here
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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