I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
