I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
