Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
