I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
