R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
