bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
