Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someone shit on the floor
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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