you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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